Casino Critic T-Shirts

"Who approved all this infrastructure spending for casinos?"

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'Never, Ever...count on winning in Las Vegas.'

Supercasino - Sign says 'Lose once, lose again free!'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Your lobster was off!

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Stock market investment advice

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Dog in casino.

'It's my favorite.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Slug roulette

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."