Casino Critic T-Shirts

"Who approved all this infrastructure spending for casinos?"

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'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'Never, Ever...count on winning in Las Vegas.'

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"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Your lobster was off!

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Dog in casino.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'It's my favorite.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

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