Cash Stasher Pillows

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

When I make it, I like to see it.

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'Don't you ever take a break?'

"Fifty is plenty.". . . "Hundred and fifty."

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

Balancing Act.

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

'I'm sorry, we no longer accept cash for transactions.'

Sperm Bank: Penetrations...Withdrawals.

'Hey! Who picked out all the odds!'

'I liked them better when they were ATMs.'

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"Yo! Check it out"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'Paper Trail'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

Survivalist, Best Before end of the world

'I'm afraid we worked it to death, sir.'

"Do you sell 'food'?"

'Gentlemen, our corporate profits.'

'You've got more than one loyalty card? That's despicable.'

"What makes you think I'm stealing office supplies."