Cash-in-a-flash Fan Gifts

Women have been paying more attention to me since I was reconfigured to resemble an ATM!

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

Children's Book Publisher. It should be good for lots or repeat sales

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

The first Dermatologist.

We got the adult version. Sip 'N Slide.

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

Hole Sale

"The applications are limitless."

'This would be a lot more fun if you didn't throw like a girl.'

You've got to admire his spunk.

Pirate Artist

'God's teeth - it's just not the same!'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

Vents, real and digital.

'My, my, don't we look fetching.'

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

3...2...1...I'm Recording

'And...?'

New York Stocks

'This should be fun... this is my brother-in-law's tax return!'

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

'I hear he died laughing...while texting.'

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess I can shop by myself."

Dog at the Returns Desk

"Do you know who I'd like a one-to-one with?"

"My mom really works at keeping my lunches interesting!"

Cran-Apple. Cran-Grape. Cran-Raspberry. Cran-Cran.