Cash-in-a-flash Fan Mugs

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

The first Dermatologist.

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

Hole Sale

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

"The applications are limitless."

'This would be a lot more fun if you didn't throw like a girl.'

Pirate Artist

'God's teeth - it's just not the same!'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

Vents, real and digital.

'My, my, don't we look fetching.'

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

'And...?'

New York Stocks

'This should be fun... this is my brother-in-law's tax return!'

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

"Do you know who I'd like a one-to-one with?"

"My mom really works at keeping my lunches interesting!"

Dog at the Returns Desk

'I hear he died laughing...while texting.'

"We accept personal data as payment. What's your preferred brand of toothpaste?"