Cartoon Fans Pillows

You can't smell an online profile...

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

"Give me a minute, this is my first time haunting a walk-up."

'This 'wheel' thing of yours - does it have to be round or will any shape do?'

'I warned him. 'Don't text and drive' ... He wouldn't listen.'

Scared as Hell Airlines.

Gen X in the Golden Years.

'Hello, front desk? I'd like to leave a March wake-up call.'

'Aye, laddie, we do have an employee incentive program!'

"I've never seen Mom this angry before."

'Is that cow meditating?' 'Dyslexic.'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

'Do you remember when the only drugs we took were dope and coke?'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Sometimes when I'm stressed out, I just float here and watch them walk around.'

Work Safety - Chemicals.

Santa running down the street after tow truck towing away sleigh and reindeer

"Not sure how much longer we can live off the proceeds from your gold tooth."

"It's nowhere near as far away as we thought!"

'How much?! You can't be serious: It's a hole in a tree!'

"Well, there goes the neighborhood."

Making the same mistake - unaware of the world around you.

'On average, a woman lives seven years longer than a man. So, when I'm 80, I'm having a sex change.'

"Sousa's back!"

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

Tortoise Mobile Home Sale.

"You realize one of us is not coming back."

School Crossing.

"Nothing to be concerned about. Short-term memory foam loss is very common in a mattress your age."

Man dying of thirst in desert reaches water hole with sign - 'Polluted: Drinking this water may be hazardous to your health.'

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

Cow going to Moood Beach.

'Let's not jump to any conclusions Wilma. There could be many reasons why he has a million in used bank notes under his bed.'

'I solved all my time management issues once I started this lifestyle.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'