Career Starting Gifts

After years of study & hard effort, you're ready to begin your life's work. . . paying off your student loan."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

37 years in the same position.

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Caged Businessman

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Working 9 to 5.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'