Career Shift Gifts

"I don't have any qualifications, but I do have bags of energy and ethusiasm"

He's back from retirement as a consultant.

'Congratulations-after 25 years we've found you a job in a gold watch factory!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'How could you have worked in your previous job for 35 years? You're only 32 years old. I did a lot of overtime.'

'Once upon a time there was a really lousy editor name Sue. Sue was lazy and stupid, so she was fired, and her boss lived happily ever after. The end.'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

"I'm hoping to move up to fired."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

Where your mind & battle are los

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

In basket-case.

'How fast can you hype?'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

Others will fight for you

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'