Career Opportunist T-Shirts

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

You are more than your job description.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

'You don't have much of a work history, do you, Mr. Laren?'

'Where does it all end, Miss Ellingsworth? You've got the promotion, the raise, and now you tell me you want a meaningful assignment...'

'You're not quite what we had in mind.'

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"I love my job!"

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

"Tech CEO, community leader, mother of two – she's both inspiring and demoralizing."

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

Dye now, pay later!

"We're looking for someone with a diverse skill set accompanied by an advanced sense of passive resignation."

'I was so busy all my life delivering babies that I forgot to have some of my own...'

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'