Career Challenged Gifts

'...and our work environment offers..well...wonderful horror stories to tell your grandkids.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Caged Businessman

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Working 9 to 5.

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'