Cardiologists Pillows

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'My feet are killing me.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"OK, ready to go again?"

Running

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

Hildegard von Bingen

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Pregnant women having a ultrasound done.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

Wilhelm Rontgen's first attempt at X-rays: shining a bright light through Madame Rontgen.

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Cat Scan

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."