Cardiac Comedian Pillows

'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Tin Can Operation.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

Surgery Instructions.

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'