Cardiac Comedian Pillows

'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Tin Can Operation.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

Surgery Instructions.

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"