Healthcare Comedian Pillows

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

The Annual Anesthesiologist Convention.

Robot surgery.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund'

'Of course, a full-body scan can be done more cheaply if you go through airport security.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

Name that artery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"Your knee-jerk reactions seem to be working just fine."

'Doctor's aren't allowed to do examinations alone. It's for your own peace of mind.'

"All right, so he dropped the heart. The floor is clean."

"This drug has such pleasant side effects I consider them value-added."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

Out of hours GP service machine.

Surgery.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Quasimodo visits his doctor - "I'm afraid you have Tinnitus!"

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

Bedside manner could determine quality points.

'I got your doc, Doc.'

'My aide has a great sense of humor, but you'd never guess it from his bed pan delivery.'

"The size of your kidney stones are stupendous - they're kidney boulders!"

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Operating Theater

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"She rinsed, Doctor, but she says she is too much of a lady to spit!"

"Before I can recommend surgery, I have to find out what your net worth is."

"The good news is your brain scan, lung scan, and body scan were negative. The bad news is you've got radiation poisoning."

"Well it's not so much a pain, more of a slight sensation, a bit like being tapped on the nose with a spoon."

Take these tablets and call me in the morning...

"I'm going to need a complete anatomical inventory list."