Car Salesperson Pillows

'If this doesn't get them into the showroom, nothing will.' (customers following line of money.)

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

'Do you have a cordless model'

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

'The warranty is for the life of the vehicle but we're not responsible if the vehicle doesn't live very long.'

'Drat! I better take her in. The check engine light just went off.'

"Would you like to super-size that?"

'Got anything with a bit of leg room?'

'Sorry. No trade-ins.'

As she left the mall, Audrey found a way to rake in some cash.

"I checked your credit score... the best I can do for you today is this can of New Car Smell."

'I just want to warn you if you buy this, you may never again know if people like you for you or your corvette.'

"Every new car comes with your own backyard drilling rights."

Woman Driving a Lemon.

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

"And for an extra fourteen hundred dollars I'll stop touching your arm."

Car dealers free hotdogs - "The best I can do is mustard and relish, ketchup and onions are optional."

'I need another raise so I can pay for the car that I bought to celebrate my last raise.'

Where airbags should be.

'Yes sir, this baby's turbo charged, fuel injected and has CD and DVD! Forget 'reindeer power' Mr Claus... and say hello to Horse Power!'

'One previous owner, used it to go to the baths once a week, may I be buried alive if I lie...'

'I suppose it would be ok as a little runaround for the wife...'

Prehistoric salesman in used tire lot.

'She does about a hour on a full wind up.'

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

"And this model comes with a virtual mother-in-law in the back seat to make it feel authentic."

'Who's having a birthday?'

"If you read the small print you'll see that the 95 miles to the gallon was only when the car was being towed."

'This baby says you've arrived. A little late perhaps. Missed a turn, had to stop for directions, but eventually got there.'

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

'One owner. Couldn't handle the payments.'

'This is one of our most popular models.'

Arab choosing a camel to buy. In the signs he can read ''coupe' or 'sedan.'

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment.. so it kind of evens out."

"This new car is so smart, it wrote its own AUTObiography."