Car Salesman Pillows

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

"One he gets them in a bear-hug, it's usually a done deal."

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

"Do you need an anthropomorphic car with a monkey chauffeur in the city? No. Do you want it? Definitely."

'I'll be honest, this car is way overpriced, gets horrible mileage, and smells exactly like steamed broccoli. . . it does have dual climate control though!'

"I no longer worry about my new car getting dinged in the parking lot."

'I'll even throw in 30 days free towing.'

'I don't think I have enough green to buy a green vehicle.'

"Nope, no airbags. But did I mention the heavy-duty seatbelts?"

Car Sales

"I agree, it's a lot of bang for the buck. And thumping, whining, clicking, clacking, clanging, grinding, buzzing and rattling."

'A word in your ear about the 'value for money' fleet cars you ordered...'

All you'd expect in a British car!

'It's four years old and every time I got a letter of recall, I removed that part and sent it to the factory.'

'Did I mention the gas mileage?!'

'All our vehicles come with a 24-hour, round-the-block guarantee.'

'I'm sorry. The possibility that you may have won $10 million in the sweepstakes won't do as collateral.'

'Dad, can we get a Porche convertible?'

"It's our latest driverless car. If even has a driverless backseat driver."

'Well, if you're looking for fuel economy...'

"Oh, you misunderstood. The cars aren't half priced...the balloons are!"

'It seats two comfortably.'

'The dealer says the warranty is good for the life of the car but he's not responsible if the vehicle doesn't live very long.'

'I meant, how flexible are you on price?'

'That'll be $327.93 for parts, $268.58 for labor and $50 because I didn't like the station you had your radio set to.'

'Our auto leasing contract is being recalled to correct a defect in the wording. It's not vague enough.'

'Thats with $30,000 down.'

'Just came in. It's a repo.'

"This electric car is environmentally friendly and will bring your family closer together."

'With the sleep, low x-39, you get a free list of local chiropractors.'

'In addition to 16 cup-holders it comes equipped with four dedicated yoga mat storage areas.'

Vehicle Sales.

'If you lose your electrical charge before you get to a recharge, you just wind this.'

"I want something practical, comfortable and fuel-efficient, but that doesn't have an adverse effect on my overall coolness."

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.