Auto Salesman Pillows

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

"This car comes with a chiropractor who helps you to get in and out!"

"All the airbags are positioned to protect your smartphone in any conceivable collision."

"Got any new monster trucks?"

"You have 24/7 roadside assistance to compensate for your new car's immediate depreciation."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"It was owned by a little old lady who only used it to ride off into the sunset."

"It's very economical. It runs on a deficit."

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

'The optional health package comes with no cigarette lighter.'

"Miles per tankful."

Al's Used Cars: Our Motto - when life hands you lemons, we sell them!

"And what few emissions it has are scented with an intoxicating blend of verbena, bergamot and lilac."

"It was owned by an overworked, underpaid, multitasking, bitter, burnt-out, resentful, angry little old lady who never once drove it to church on Sunday."

"Remember, the self-driving feature automatically steers you to the bank when its payment is due!"

"That's the first dishonest dollar that I ever made."

"It's the latest in zero emission technology sir. You don't even have the worry of charging up your battery."

"We call it a tri-brid. It runs on gasoline, electricity, or credit card."

"When one door closes, another one opens."

"I can dream, can't I?"

"Yep...Isn't she a beaut! And just one previous owner."

"Of course, you're probably concerned with mileage and the gas prices. . ."

"Between the loud exhaust system and 18 speaker audio, you won't hear the screams of the people you crush..."

"It's alternative fuel. It runs on money."

"...and then nine months later, out pops a brand new BMW."

"And this model actually makes its own parking spaces."

"It's an epic novel about a guy who's trying to sell his car."

"And this dashboard has all the electronic distractions grouped into one convenient confusion cluster."

"Which one would you like to try on?"

"And this little hybrid beauty runs on either gas or liposuction fat."

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

"This vehicle also has a rear blind spot elimination assistant fitted as standard."

"The Driver Assist package offers suggestions on how to convince your wife you need this car."

"Only one owner you say?"

'Of course, you're probably concerned with mileage and the high gas prices. . .'