Car Care Aficionado Pillows

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Snow Tire Sale: We Skid You Not

Auto Repair. And how about some new wiper blades, Senator? I notice a lack of transparency.

'I always wash it before applying the turtle wax.'

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

"If the vineyard needs rain, why don't you get the truck washed?"

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

It's great for pulling the birds!

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

(I ride a harley, I drive a porsche, I smoke cigars, I drink martinis...) (So, ….You're impotent?)

"Nothing serious - just some twenties stuck in your crankshaft."

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

"Have you tried turning it on and off again..?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

The Lemmings of Montauk

Carpet

The slug replaces the cheetah as the fastest animal on earth.

"The good news is that a delicious stick of jerky is still a very affordable seventy-five cents."

"That's weird. The app says to look for a Nissan Sentra."

Beware of Everything

Our Cars Are Made By 100% American-Made Robots.

"Nap time."

Man playing chess from his parked car.