Cantankerous Zen Master Pillows

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zenemies.

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

Guru.

FAQs.

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"Hoarder."

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

Relax.

Of COURSE I hate to rush around all the time! But I do it so I won't have to hurry later!

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

It doesn't get any better than this --- Tai Chi with chai tea!

Zen and the Art of Procrastination.