Canine Etiquette Expert Mugs

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

Dog History

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Rats."

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

Ladies' Game

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Is your dog friendly?!"

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."