Canine Etiquette Enthusiast Mugs

Preschools for Dogs

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"No matter what, always take a small courtesy whiff."

"Rats."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Don't get up!'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"More?"

"All rise."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'