Canine Comedy Aficionados Pillows

"Let's start the polygraph test with an easy question — Are you a good boy?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

His Master's Thesis.

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

"I finally caught you... now what?"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Dogs life

Dog fetching clown shoes.

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"I always get the 'Good Boy.' How about the 'Bad Dog' for a change?"

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

Menu: Wet food. Dry food

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."