Canine Comedic Genius Gifts

Dog: "Have you noticed? He looks more like me all the time."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Dog fetching clown shoes.

Dogs life

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."