Canceled Wedding Gifts

"When I found out she was planning to chomp off my head and devour my carcass on the honeymoon."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"OK, now what?"

Zoom Wedding

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Last night of freedom.

"It will be a short service. We’re getting married during half-time."

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

'Hopefully, his work will improve after he gets married.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"So, our holiday was cancelled but at least our tastebuds can still go to Italy."

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

Internet wedding - 'Apparently, you get a 40% discount if you marry on-line...'

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

The Happiest Hen in Abingdon.

"I'm just pricing this second honeymoon you've been on about. . . were you thinking of tagging along?"

A couple honeymooning in Venice fails to notice the gondolier has been left behind.

"We thought a second honeymoon getaway would be helpful to our relationship after so many years of marriage. So Fred's going to Ireland...And I'm going to Italy!"

"Since we can't do the Vegas bachelor party we'd planned, I'm asking you all to light a pile of money on fire to celebrate our friendship with Chris."

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

'So how did the second honeymoon go?'

"Do you have an intensive course? I'm getting married in a week!"

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

I heard you called off your engagement to Stacey. Yeh, as it turns out, she wasn't being totally honest with me. She wanted to get married!

"You may now touch the Bride."

'I've left him, Daddy - The pervert tried to book me into a hotel with him.'

"Yes, I called off our wedding. Didn't you get my inter-office memo?"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now elbow bump the bride."

'I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can walk out of church a free man!'

Man engaged to be married has ring through his nose.

"My camera froze up during the ceremony, but it wasn't a big problem. So did the groom."