Can Opener Tactician Gifts

'Do what I do when my husband hogs the remote control. Turn on the can opener. When he runs to the kitchen, go grab the remote.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Kitchen Tetris

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"That was a rumor day."

Football.

Human males marking territory.

Trojan Chess

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"It has come to my attention that there's a traitor in our midst."

Snooker.

Good poetry & Winning teams

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

'I want you to take a run at the competition, give them a good scare.'

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

Golf

'Quick! Play dead!'

Stone Age

"Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts."

"Next!"

'I don't know about you, Sam, but so far my clients aren't going for this cross between tradtional and online trading.'

They're inflatable trade barriers!

The invisible hand of the marketplace.

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'