Campus Police T-Shirts

Campus police are dorm troopers.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Say 'eh.'"

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

The Giamatti era

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

We have skule clothes.

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Undergraduate and don

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

We have too many students! I know. Send them home!

"It's this marvelous little liberal-arts college in Kansas that gives frequent-flier miles."