Campaign Trail Cynic Pillows

'Howard has placed himself in voluntary quarantine...'

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

There's a lot of money flowing into political campaigns. I'm less concerned about money in politics than I am that none of it trickles down to me.

'It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible. Wait I didn't state that very elegantly. It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible.'

'Oh, we could reduce the deficit, but it'd just leave stretch marks.'

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

Donald Trump

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

Campaign Donations

"The candidates this year are really honest."

"Hi from the US Supreme Court conservative majority...we hope you're all enjoying this campaign season!"

VOTE!, 'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

Trumpelstiltskin: "I can spin straw into gold."

Bush's Huge Campaign Fund at Work.

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

Republican campaign tosses out the truth.

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

Campaign 2010.

"He's good, but he's no Donald Trump."

"Son, remember - its possible most politicians lie - it's the American way."

Election to-do list

'So...watching the democrat national convention made up your mind who you're voting for?'

Obama's favorite potato chips.

GOP Presidential Hopefuls

"...and which of the election candidates do you dislike the least?"

"How many homes do I own? Have you ever asked anybody else running for president that question?"

"Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think we can fool all the people all the time!"

"Say what you will about my family, but please respect my equity's privacy."

Warning! All Manifestos May Contain Traces of Truth.

Independents still undecided.