Campaign Promise Skeptic Pillows

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Progress?

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

'Good Lord, what is it this week? New equipment for your kid's soccer team?'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

'You never kiss me like that.'

Climate Change is Real

"It means a chieftain tank of petrol."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"Full disclosure: I served five years for bank fraud."

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, for what it's worth,'

'He's never gonna marry me now, Mum.'

'We're more or less engaged - he's just waiting for his fiancée to return the ring.'

'I said commit to me.'

"I made a trial new year's resolution so I can test it out to see if it's something I can live with for a year.

"I hope this isn't another holiday event we won't be able to forget."

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

"And, as a new employee, you are immediately entitled to participate in the company's proactive health plan."

"Would anyone like to hear about my bathroom extension?"

'We're half serious about getting married. I am, and he isn't.'

"Do you offer a warranty?"

The head of the legal department gets married