Campaign Period Pillows

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

"Good boy."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

They're Not Just That Into It

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

National Everything Awareness Day

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

The Russian Election.

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

Save the unicorn.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

Netanyahu versus Gantz

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

America's funniest election gaffes

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'