Campaign Managers Pillows

Courting The Youth Vote

"I'm suspending my campaign, gentlemen, until such a time as I can obtain a fresh supply of pixie dust."

The Rev. Wright Brothers

"We've been told to keep him there until the election is over."

Trump vs Biden

"We have the perfect campaign tactics. Now we just have to make sure that 4-year-olds can vote!"

"It's time we appeal to the evil angels of our base's nature."

Robert Menendez investigated for corruption

'Could you walk back of me far enough that voters won't think we're together?'

Dewey Care.

'Who do you think won the debate, sir -- the experienced senator or the trailer-trash floozy?'

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

Election Policies

Trump versus Rubio

Sexual Harassment Charges: 'Think! Think! What did Clinton do?'

It's the season for political candidates to deliver their pitch to voters. Sometimes the pitch is like a fastball, direct and to the point. Or the pitch might be like a curve, starting off on one path and then going in a different direction. Voters might see a pitch like a changeup, something completely unexpected. Unfortunately, too often the candidate's pitch is like a knuckleball - it just seems to be erratic and nonsensical!

Campaign Rally. I've heard about these human elections but don't understand them. Anybody with even the most rudimentary processor should see the glaring errors in the budget and tax proposals. And the way campaign promises are broken, it seems like nobody has any memory chips at all. Most importantly, why do they hold elections only every couple of years. Yeah, without upgrading they're stuck with obsolete leaders in less than twelve months!

"We're already starting to notice the influence of corporate donations."

Presidential Primaries of the Future

The Mars Primary

"Good boy."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

An informed voter is a good voter

Elections

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'