Camera Shy Hero Gifts

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

'Well, well, well...'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

Distance to avoid contagion

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

Introverted Chair

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

"Autumn already? O.K., I'll come down."

"Don't drink and drive. Don't even putt."

QUICK OIL CHANGE & FLU SHOT

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

GM Foods.

Blue-Collar Workers

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

"Your, health check results are excellent. You have the body of an athlete... Although, probably only of bronze medal standard."

"Oh, I'm okay. This is just my resting zoom face."

'Have you been eating right?'

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

"Era un gato grande... Que hacia ro ro..."

"It started with sneaking kale into their spaghetti. Before I knew it I was sneaking homework into their video games."

'I hate networking.'

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'We couldn't afford health care any longer so you better start eating better!'

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'I'm sorry, we can't declare you the winner. You have high blood pressure.'

Vending machines labeled 'SNACKS' and 'STATINS.'

"People worry about what they're giving their children."

'He had chest pains. A real wake-up call to slow down a bit. Unfortunately, he was on another line and missed it.'

Job Safety - Valves.

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."