Call Centre Manager Pillows

"I want to achieve greatness, I want out call centre to be the most annoying in the country!"

"There's been a 27% cut in our customer empathy budget, so you'll have to tell them to sod off."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

The Communicator

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Hello?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'I hate my life.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Your call is important to us...

Stress

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

Automated customer service.