Call Center Professional Pillows

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

The Communicator

"Hello?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'I hate my life.

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Your call is important to us...

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'