Calculation Expert T-Shirts

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist, George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Math Dreams

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Have you been working out?"

"Where the hell's my pocket calculator?"

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'I forgave ya for puttin' 'em all in one basket, but this goes too far!'

I love maths.

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

The Math Institute √π*962.9 KM

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

"I see a flaw in your financial calculation."

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

'Well, arithmetic IS important. It let's you understand money so you can buy batteries for your calculator.'

'Oh yeah, well your dad may have a better calculator, but my dad can add without one.'

"But it's helping me learn my math!"

'... Can Willis come out and calculate formulae?'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

I think I have a 45-45 chance of passing my math class.'

'You were right. I had a misplaced decimal point.'

"Your calculations are right- it's our teabreak!"

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."

"It shouldn't happen this way. I'll have to alter the data."

'Calculus is my new Versace. I get a buzz from algorithms. What's going on with me, Raymond? I'm scared.'