Caffeine Critiquer Pillows

"You need to cut down on the caffeine."

Reading my Critics

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Mea Maxima Cuppa

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

"You're never home."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

"This is their 'Working Mother of Four' coffee special. They must know what I go through."

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Coffee Time Crossword

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Barbed Pen

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Practicing my hate-face."

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"He's a mental-health critic."

Arguing with Edna was enough to make the brain fly out of any logical man.