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There?s a Conflict of Interest in My Conflict of Interest

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Classic News.

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

The Art of Bantering!

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

'Uh Oh...Looks like we're going to finally get a little winter.'

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

Local Report. Now let's go to Frank down by the river. These giant spools of wire rope have arrived at the bridge. Workers will begin replacing weakened wires holding up the bridge deck. A news story about wire ropes supporting the bridge will be controversial. Some people get very agitated by cable news.

"Cable company. . . ? I want to know why my television picture is totally upside down all the time!!"

2020 US president

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

"Weather rebuttal."

The Ekert Saga: 'Whoa...you really like cable news, eh, Ekert?'

Donald Trump's White House Ambitions

"The President said he hoped the bill would receive broad bipartisan support from within the Democratic Party."

'Are you through with the financial section?'

"Sometimes it's so bleedin' hard to know who to vote for."

'I don't know but I think I liked last season's TV violence better than this season's.'

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

The American Dream

Glenn Beck! First time caller!

'Cable rates are only $29.95 a month, but installation will be eight hundred thousand dollars.'

'You're paying to watch gratuitous violence?'

"Why would I need 185,000 TV channels??"

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

"Why don't you get two TVs, so you can watch Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity?"

The All NEW Violence Channel!

'You read? What kind of entertainment is that?'