Cable-cutting Pillows

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

Cord cutter

"Absolutely not!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

The Affordable Shredder

Man Plugged Into His Stereo.

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

'There! Now you won't get tangles!'

"Today, son, you are a man."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

Sawrd Fighting

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

"Can you just give me a quick trim?"

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

Take your Daughter to Word Day

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

Newton's Laws of Motion at work in the woods.

"Why, thank you, sweetheart!"

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

'I think we found the cause of your modem lag.'