Cable Crusader Gifts

Magazine says 'TV: Includes all digital, cable and satellite listings.' Man says: I've just finished reading the TV guide and it's time for bed.'

Overworked in the office

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"Must get a longer cable."

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

Do not think outside the box!

Whack, Out of Whack.

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

'Walter, stop fantasizing and get back to your desk.'

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

Haven't Rented a Game in 2 Weeks.

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

A crab finds an alternative to walking sideways.

'We've got to upgrade our computer system. Downloading information on this one takes too long.'

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

"I miss the old cubicles."

It's a Dog's life

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"We've got a class-action suit if I ever saw one."