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'It's okay, John. Everyone's entire life fits on a microchip.'

"Is there a geek of any kind in the house?"

"In a while, technophile!"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"He loves his computer but it's a love that's not returned."

Alternative fielding positions

Obsession with the Internet.

Wordplay: Gastropod.

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Tic-tac-toe

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

Battery Lighthouse

' A new idea '

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

Traffic Management Strategic Group

"No son of mine is going into entomology."

Bees v Wasps

"But I use all of them!"

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

'So, what do you want to talk about?'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"To be a bee, or not to be a bee, that is the question."

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)