Buying A Winery T-Shirts

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'It's 'baa baa' here and 'baa baa' there, until I'm just about nuts.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Opening the Barrel

'Who's the new guy?'

'Toast'

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

Wine: New & Old!!!

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'

Wine: harsh, boring, pretentious, shallow and mischievous.

Cultivating money.

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

Welcome to my cellar!

"Here's a nice white wine. Goes great with grooming and hairballs.

novox winery

'Sell some? But then there'd be less for me.'

"If we poured the millions of dollars we spend on advertising into improving our vineyard, we wouldn't have to advertise."