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"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'You may feel lost and insignificant at first working for us.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

Boy sits at father's desk at work and says on phone: 'OK, I'll have my boys call your boys ..'

Bribes.

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

'It's lonely at the top.'

"Trump's election has certainly thrown the cat amongst the pigeons... The only way we'll get through it is to embrace this new world, develop our business strategy around it! So the plan is to build a betterer business, a beautiful business... One where i

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

"It's a jungle out there. You'll love it."

"Well you're obviously very good at your job so why don't we promote you to something you know nothing about!"

'Cunningham, it's time for you to take part in our staff motivation program. It's short, simple, effective and it goes like that: make more sales or I'll kill your family, eat your dog and burn your house.'

'All those in favor of standing and giving me a slow clap...'

"Unfortunately, Whitcomb, I am suffering from compassion fatigue."

"Nigel - set up a New York Office and have them ring me back immediately.."

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

"I blame the regulators for giving predatory pricing a bad name."

"My new years resolution was to delegate more. . . so I delegated chasing unachievable targets with massively reduced resources to George."

"Your Christmas bonus was that I didn't fire you!"

'Can't give you a raise. How about a fancy new title?'

"We were shopping nearby, so I brought Andrew over to see you in action."

'Everyone is Economizing.'

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

"I liked our old god better than our new corporate god."

'Do you ever wonder who we're working for?'

"Gentlemen, this has materially changed the way we grease palms."

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'

'I find that delegating responsibility is important, but delegating blame is much more important.'

'Callers will be answered in the order of their Fortune 500 ranking.'