Business Satire Appreciators Gifts

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

"I want you to come up with a new word to define 'profits'."

'Your complaint has been taken to the highest level.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Big Fish Packing Co - Our Flounder.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'