Business News Reporter Prints

'Stocks rise on news that there's no other place to put your money - after interest rates hit rock bottom.'

'Today the stock market was up on rumors that money actually can buy happiness.'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Press Freedom

Gay Times...

Difference of Opinion

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

A little bird told me...

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

US v.s. Tech Giants

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

'He was a great writer'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Newspaper suicide.

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

Turkey, present day...

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."