Business Humor Seeker Pillows

'Does this streamlining mean we'll have to give up the sock puppets?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"Any questions?"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

Satya Nutella

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Gay Times...

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late