Business Enhancer Gifts

I've got to fight through my creative malaise. I've come up with a list of ways to eke out more money from customers. Let's hear 'em. Charge for extra pads of butter. It's okay, but it's boring. Right. How about: raise coffee prices; sell only day-old pastries; turn off the lights to save electricity ... Boring, boring, boring. Require people to make their own drinks? C'mon, you're not even trying.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Expense account or regular?"

Ego Increasing School

"It's called a treadmill workstation, not a stationary rat race."

"I see a beautiful future ahead for you in the private sector."

"What are they saying about you on Yelp?"

Frank's Drill Co. I built this company bit by bit.

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

"That's enough rope-a-doping Henderson!"

Portfolio

Don't be afraid of criticism. Openly ask for feedback so you can improve service.

"Yes, we're the company with a heart, but we also have a mean upper-cut."

Test dummies holding 'Kama Sutra For Dummies' manual.

"Supersize me."

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"Please visit our website and tell us about your experience with this sale. You can win a gift card good for a free glass of lemonade."

'Freelancing might be a viable option.'

One-man Operation, Inc: 'Who's in charge here!'

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

'I can finance your conversion to digital, but you'll owe me your soul.'

Institute (brain).

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

Botox injections

'It's my wife's reminder to put the toilet seat down.'

Sex Shop

"I can't see the POINT of all this emphasis on 'customer care'!"

"Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you no longer own him."

"Business is slowing down -- I'll have to lay you off till next summer vacation."

This is my report on my summer vacation, and that's my script doctor, Murray, who helped me punch it up a bit.

Moses and the Screenwriter: 'Accurate-Shmaccurate...if you want this story to sell, it needs some punching up.'

'Geoff will go to any lengths to track down exactly what the customer needs.'

"I have a plan to make this the most efficient, well-run auto parts shop in the country!"

'I'm flattered by your imitation, unless you just want to be taller than me.'