Business Critics Pillows

"Before we have our Maths lesson, a word from our sponsor"

The World as an Executive Toy

"Workers have obligation to limit their economic demands to make the USA more competitive!"

"We've been told to keep him in there until the election is down to the final two!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."