Business Critic Pillows

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"I think the reason our international unit is performing badly is because our mission statement says 'think locally and act locally'."

"We need to start listening to our customers."

'Great shareholder report, sir! I admire the way you avoided any hint of substance.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'By now, you've probably noticed that a corporate culture which values candor and a free exchange of ideas comes with a price tag!'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'For a C.E.O., he's very hands-on.'

'But in the business world, failure is rewarded with big bailouts.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'It drives me insane when people whinge about top executive incomes...it's not as if we're given this money for Nothing...we have to meet really, really tough targets...'

"Quarterly indictments exceeded Wall Street expectations."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

'Sir your lawyer is here.'

At an office furniture store - chair $215, chair with exec $120,000

'Corporate greed has become unpopular...Any suggestions for a new name for it?'

'Sorry sir, we've changed our policy...now we don't care.'

"Price fixing?! You've got the wrong man! I live by the maxim 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.'"

Carcinoco

"Budget Cuts."

"This is our new customer liaison consultant, could you show him what a customer looks like."

Apple Earth

"When the going gets tough, the tough get a government handout."

"We're acquiring another company. That'll give you the opportunity to lay off hundreds of employees."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'I fired them all. 2,437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

'I make money the old-fashioned way... on the backs of our workers!'

'TransUniverse is on the way to recovery and global exploitation.'

Fat Cat

'I wonder if it was such a good idea to outsource all the staff?'

Business Awards - ...and now best performance by a chairman at an AGM, defending a massive salary increase.

Corporate Running of the 'Bull'.

Massive hike in CEO pay