Business Buff Gifts

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"In six more weeks, these M.B.A.s will be ready for market."

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

'I'm afraid the meeting will start a little late, the strategic business planning team are lost in the building somewhere.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'How are those revised projections coming along?'

'We advise all of our clients not to hire the most brilliant managers. Risk varies inversely with knowledge, otherwise there would be many more wealthy university professors.'

'If that doesn't set your tail to wagging, nothing will.'

'No wonder the company is in trouble!'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"You're fired. Pass it on."

"I gotta admit, he's one hell of a negotiator."

'When you take out food, energy...inflation remained at a 20 year low.'

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

"We're talking business ethics not ethics."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

Office, "One day son all of this will be the receivers."

'What it comes down to is our software is too hard and our hardware is too soft.'

'Just a slight downturn, but nothing to worry about.'

"What do you mean 'Lets get rid of the middlemen' we are the middle men!"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

Golden Oldies: "Hey! Remember this great chart from the nineties?"

'He's a little 'old school,' but he's got great leadership qualities.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'Then, for some reason, sales dropped right off.'

I like a manager who asks questions.

"I read your management consultancy report and it proves conclusively that you don't know what you're talking about."

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'