Burr Collector Pillows

'They're called 'cockleburrs,' not 'velcro seeds.''

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Cake Free Zone

"Eat me"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Easter Island Shades...

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

A watch face with Stonehenge

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

"It's called, 'Goth'."

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Bathroom Fairy

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'