Bureaucracy Gifts

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

'Oh, dear! — your baptismal certificate was never notarized!'

'...Okay, just a few more items to add to your EHR. I appreciate your patience...'

'But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring.'

"I can give you a 93.4% assurance that there is less than a 65.6% possibility that this excercise will simply generate 34.8% more meaningless statistics."

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

'Medicare part C provides care for the headaches caused by parts A, B and D.'

'Sure, it's a great invention, but does it comply with all government guidelines?'

'Once you get the hang of it, crisis management is fairly straightforward.'

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'...the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

We can't call it restructuring,we did that in '98 and'97...

'All right... we've followed the health and safety directives, Can we get on with deliveries now?'

'Where would we be without the right documentation?'

Department of Indifference.

'...and here's our filing system.'

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

'I assume you have documentation to back up these 27 light-years of business travel.'

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

Food and Drug Administration, Yummy-Yucky.

'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'Call me crazy, but I think my paperwork is actually following me.'

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

Report suggests social workers spend 60% of their time on admin - "Do you remember when all wehad to worry about was client care?"

"Unofficially I can tell you that the information that you want to know is SECRET...but if you give me a few months to talk to the rght people and grease a few palms then I think I'll be able to get official..."

"This is easier than navigating through medicare."

'Could I see your ground disturbance permit?!'

'Do you remember when all we had to worry about was client care?'

'Ok, let's see your building permit'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'Ready to walk the Reimbursement Maze?'