Bully Buster Pillows

Freshman Ronnie Klumpf wisely outfitted himself with a wedgie deterrent system.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"His friend got beaten up at school so he's applying to join NATO."

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

School Fights

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

The Not-So Smart Meter

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"Be patient. It's almost dead."

SWAT Team (going in to catch a fly).

Flies up the ante!

'His debugging skills are exceptional.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Santa Claws...

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

Office of the PR of the United States

Burning the Other

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"I tried killing an annoying bug with my nail gun. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

Priest fighting the Zika mosquito by getting rid of its standing water.

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

MRSA Guide to hospital.

On particularly buggy days, Carl wore his citronella candle cap.

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

Waiter, there are tiny bubbles rising to the surface of my clam chowder. Conclusion" there's a flatulent fly in my soup. ? ?

Killing Santa

"All the ticks I removed over my summer vacation,' by Robbie Butler..."