Bully-bashers Gifts

"Hahaha! What's wrong Dorky Nerdmire? That's your name isn't it?"

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

'Trust me, tomorrow's Young Master's birthday party: Time to find a hiding spot for the day...'

Pinata good bags.

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'Here comes Tim. Rumor has it he gets hot wax treatments.'

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

Dart player with long darts. 'Look, rules are meant to be broken, aren't they?'

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"When I said to fight back, I didn't realize the school bully you were referring to was the principal!"

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

Cut down your own tree.

'He's a bit camera shy.'

'The least of your worries in this school is a bully will take your lunch money.'

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

'Who gave you that black eye?'

Freshman Ronnie Klumpf wisely outfitted himself with a wedgie deterrent system.

"You're fired."

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

School Fights

After his football career, Bobby 'Header King' Grunz found a satisfying new job.

Hairstyle Inspiration

'We'll need a supreme court or something to interpret these.'

'After sixteen commercials I've forgotten what film we were watching.'

"Dammit, Trevor! Just say 'Please' so we can get outta here!"

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

'Leave everything in our hands, we specialize in his fault divorces.'

'In these parts we don't take kindly to people who... read.'

"His friend got beaten up at school so he's applying to join NATO."